5 min read  ·  Wednesday, May 5, 2021

When meditation is difficult

Do you feel skeptical about meditation? Do you get stressed sometimes? Do you find yourself unable to clear you mind? I do. More often than I admit. And like most of you out there, I have built callouses against many of the events that used to invoke negative thoughts and feelings in me, such as anger, sadness, frustration and directionlessness. But sometimes some of those negative thoughts slip through the cracks and fill up my mind. After that for some time I am unable to think of anything else. I’m not able to work, or sleep, or do anything productive with my time. Worst of all, I’d know that I was wasting valuable time and energy on thoughts that may be pointless. But I do it anyway. I know that I am not the only one who goes through this from time to time. It’s very common.

For me, it hasn’t been a huge deal for some time now. And that’s because, in my search for a solution, I stumbled upon something that helps me deal with my stress effectively. Now, I must clarify that my approach may not be as effective for everyone, it may not work at all for you. But I think it may be worth a shot for everyone, especially if you don’t usually meditate. The choice is entirely yours.

There is no “one-size-fits-all” solution that will work for everyone. And no one will be able to say whether a technique is perfect for you. It’s you who has to try out all the techniques until you strike gold.

Have you tried meditating? I have. And I admit that hasn’t been a successful endeavor for me 😅. That is not to say that meditation does not work. Those who successfully use meditation to relieve stress and transform themselves to a state of calm, had the discipline to practice for at least several weeks. But I have never had the required patience 😛. So, I devised a sort of workaround for myself that has worked for me so far. You don’t need this if you already know how to meditate effectively. This is only meant for those who: -

1. are skeptical about meditating, or
2. are not able to meditate even when they try, or
3. don’t have the patience to build meditation as a skill, or
4. find that distractions don’t reduce your stress anymore.

Full disclosure: In my opinion, meditation is probably the best method to reduce anxiety and stress. The long-term benefits of regular meditation can lead to a more balanced and stress-free life. So, if you can, please ignore this post and learn meditation. But if you want to start off with a simpler and less demanding means to a clear mindset, then please read on.

Meditation is a practice to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state [Source Wikipedia]. While this definition does set an objective, it does not clearly say when you should start practicing. The secret is that you should start meditating when your mind is already calm. That’s when you will be able to grasp the techniques of meditation properly. If you have not learned these techniques then you can’t simply turn to meditation to clear your mind when you are stressed out. It just won’t work. You will end up telling yourself “Think of nothing!” and then instantly go back to thinking about what disturbed your mind in the first place. I found that “Stop thinking” was not an effective goal to reach for. I found that I needed a higher goal than “clear my mind”. And that’s when I understood the first rule in the approach I follow, and that rule is this: -

Instead of thinking “I need to clear my head!”, think of what you would do with a clear mind!

It’s just like the movie Inception, which lays it out like this — “When I tell you not to think of elephants, what do you think of?” → “Elephants!”. Similarly, if you tell yourself “Clear your mind”, you could easily end up drowning in the thoughts you wanted to get rid of. So, if I use a travel analogy in which you are at City A (the ‘sad’ place😞), instead of thinking “I want to get away from City A”, try thinking “I want to get to City B (a ‘happy’ place😀)”. In other words, think of something that you would do if you had a clear focussed mind, and then do exactly that. Think of what you want to achieve — it could be a passion project, it could be developing a skill you like, it could be building something. Literally anything! 😃. Like me, you might also realize that focusing on the end objective works out better for you than you thought.

Best be prepared than find yourself at a crossroads without a map.

With that out of the way, you still need to think about the practicality of this approach. When you find yourself depressed and you really need to calm your mind, that’s when you need meditation the most. And it is nearly impossible to pull it off without any preparation. With meditation, you must have hours of practice under your belt, to find calmness during a depressing occasion. Similarly, you must be prepared with your ‘happy’ place i.e. your ‘City B’ from our travel analogy above. That’s when I realized the second rule for this approach: -

Be prepared. Choose what you want to do with a clear mind, when your mind is clear, not when it is disturbed.

My suggestion is to choose your ‘happy’ place when you are engaged in an activity you enjoy thoroughly. Make a very short list (5 at most) of the goals you want to achieve, write it down on a large piece of paper and paste it on your wall for good measure 🙂. That way you are most likely to remember it when you need it. Now whenever you feel down, you already have a list of to-do’s prepared that will help you get out of the deep end.

So far I have used this technique to my advantage and they have helped. I do hope that those you try this out also find the same benefits. Even though this technique is useful, I admit it is not the gold standard. So, in future I want to start meditation as a habit. It requires the discipline that has eluded me for years now 😝, but I will overcome that hurdle and write about that soon.