7 min read  ·  Friday, April 23, 2021

The most common “life question” you were asked as a child

There is a long list of questions that adults, parents and relatives mostly, tend to ask children. But if the title of this post intrigued you a little bit and you’re trying to remember the most “trending” question from your childhood, then ten bucks says that you will end up with this: -

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

I’m sure that as a child you were filled with wonder about anything that had been just beyond your reach. And with that wonder you inherently had the confidence to achieve anything. Maybe you wanted to become an astronaut, or maybe a superstar, or even the President of your country. But odds are you ended up choosing a different path for yourself. If you think about it, hardly anyone ever ultimately lives their childhood dream.

I’m no different. Whenever I was asked this, I remember that my response would always be the same — “I want to be a pilot!” For the longest time I dreamed of becoming one. I never missed an opportunity to learn more about flying. And yet, I ended up becoming a software engineer with a career which had absolutely nothing to do with airplanes. I should point out that I’m wasn’t actually disappointed with that career. I was fascinated with computers 🤷🏻‍♂️, and I still am. No, my only qualm is that I never got to know what it would have been like to pursue that dream.

One evening, I had been pondering over this when an interesting thought occurred to me. What if we were asked the wrong question? It sounded absurd at first. What does a question that was asked when I was 5 years old, have anything to do with the career I chose more than a decade later! I believe the problem was the disconnect between my dream and my reality. A dream is but an abstract image that is just beyond our grasp. And at that age, saying that I will become a pilot one day gave me just that — an abstract image of myself flying a plane! It provided me no direction as to how to achieve that. I had no clue about the work that goes into building a career like that. Sure, now I know how I could have mitigated for that. But as a child I had no idea where to start, neither did anybody in my circle. I didn’t know how to plan a career path until college. Yes, I did figure out what I wanted to do. It would have been way better if I had a head start. So, while I think “What do you want to be when you grow up?” is still a pertinent question to ask, I believe that a better question would be: -

“What is your life plan?”

While I admit that many kids may not understand what a “life plan” is, but introducing this concept at a young age surely brings some benefits. I believe that knowing this approach, of helping young minds build their life plans, will be especially useful if you have younger siblings, cousins, or students who looks to you for guidance, or kids of your own. I’m not saying I know better; I just think this approach might be worth considering.

I would say that most of us have followed a top-down approach where you start with a dream, decide on a goal, and take actions to help you reach it, while achieving milestones along the way. It’s like using a GPS in your car where you set the destination and drive to your destination. Instead, I prefer a bottom-up approach where you decide the timing of your milestones, then work toward each milestone, all in order to discover your end goal. This is like exploring a forest or a savannah, where you have decided that you will spend a week, soaking in surprisingly breathtaking views and creating memorable experiences.

Instead of deciding the destination and gunning for it, consider exploring to see what else is out there

Keeping this bottom-up approach in mind, it is important to address all the five types of questions in the order outlined below to arrive at a viable and fulfilling life plan.

When

“When” should be the first kind of question your ward should have answers to. Ask any questions that you feel would help them set up a timeline without sweating the details, because once you decide on a timeline, you are likely to stick to it.
An example of this would be:-

1. Age 10 — They should have a hobby. Any hobby will do as long as they choose it themselves.
2. Age 13 — Understand the difference between “career” and “job”. By this age, they would be able to start answering the “Where” kind of questions.
3. Age 15 — Find answers to the “What” questions.
4. Age 18 — Answer the “How” questions.
5. Anytime after step 4 — Answer the “Why” questions

Where

The “Where” questions help realize what kind of careers they would love. It alone won’t help identify the best career for any kid but it helps narrow it down. You could ask questions like: -

• Where do you want to live?
• Do you want to travel the world?
• Would you work and travel at the same time?

➡ So, let’s say that they want a career where they can work from anywhere in the world and they also want to live in different countries from time to time. Then freelancing or an online business would be nice options, right?

What

Once you have narrowed down the career choices, it’s time to assess their viability. By this time you should be able to guide them out any imposter syndrome they may have. They may have skills and talents that they don’t consider to be good enough. Your goal would be 3-fold: -

Identify their skills and talents

• What kind of games do you enjoy?
  (Different games require different skillsets. Knowing their favorite games will tell you which skills are already developed)
• You scored pretty well in science and math, how hard did you study?
  (Through school and college, I have seen some of my average-scoring classmates score surprisingly well in specific subjects without much studying. But they would remain convinced that it was luck, when the reality was that they had a natural talent for it.)

Build their confidence

• Even small achievements are achievements. Enumerate them.
• Emphasize on progress, not perfection. A little progress is still progress.

Re-assess career options

• Match career options with their skills.
• Rank them in decreasing order of fit.

➡ Let’s add another layer to our previous example. Let’s say they aren’t so good with numbers and are more inclined towards art and designing, but they haven’t showcased their work, maybe because their classmates are more skilled. You could emphasize on the fact that everyone starts from different starting lines, and all it means is that it may take little longer to refine their skill. With this added detail, it looks like a freelance photographer, or a web-designer, or an architect may be good options.

How

Now comes the difficult part. You will have to build a career roadmap, but this time you’ll have to sweat the details. By now you should have a pretty good idea of the career your ward wants. You can break this down into two questions: -

➡ Now let’s assume that the first career choice is of a freelance photographer. They would need equipment and the knowledge, along with the right guidance to refine their artistic sense. While studying, they could try expanding their online network to look for opportunities abroad to assist renowned photographers in their projects. With several projects undertaken as an assistant, they would gain enough recognition to start their own business in photography.

Why

I prefer to keep this for last. Trying to answer this question at the beginning will just complicate things and potentially sow doubts in your before any plan starts to mature. That doesn’t mean this question is any less important. The usual question here would be “Why did you choose this career?” But I prefer a future-oriented version of this question: -

“Why shouldn’t you continue your career?”

This one applies to everyone really, not just your ward. Ask yourself this question, and if you don’t have an answer, then congrats, you have a fulfilling career. If, for any reason, you find yourself doubting your resolve, fear not. It’s never too late to reset your career. Just ignore the age and start with “When”.